Brenda And The Perfect Match

Brenda woefully thought about all the dating mistakes she had made. Blindly giving each runner-up a chance at the race, hoping to find one who would be able to reach the finish line without stumbling on some idiotic obstacle. Or worse, as experience had blatantly pointed out to her, would only trickle along at a dragging pace as if sedated by a drug which froze his brain cells.

In an act of defiance towards all these imbeciles who had seduced her by their profiles filled with deceit and pretentious boasting of their (false) heroic qualities, Brenda decided to pull her profile off the dating site she was on.

That was exactly what she was doing when she received a message from Jordan saying how much he liked her profile and hoped that she would consider reading his as he, in his very words, said, we seem to be a perfect match.

He was forty-seven, seven years older than her which was alright as long as he hadn’t let himself go as so many of the older men she’d dated who seemed to believe that having a beer belly were an accomplishment worthy of soaring accolades and dressing sloppily a sign of self-realisation.

She read his profile, carefully scrutinizing each word as if she were an archeologist looking for authenticity of some rare fossil, which, except for the fossil part, wasn’t very far from Brenda’s desire.

Life is a fabulous journey, she read. Everyday is an adventure where I am happy to be alive and surrounded by such great people.

That couldn’t be true, Brenda thought. No one was ever surrounded daily by great people. It was in fact in opposition to one of the unspoken decrees of having the privilege of being alive: you will have to endure the behaviors of curmudgeons day after day; you will regularly meet people who will provide you with proof that it is possible to be comatose while still being awake.

Brenda, still not having reached the apex of her internet dating withdrawal symptoms read on.

Sharing the joy of life and love with someone special is a very attractive idea. I would like to find that special person with whom I could share, communicate, understand, support, respect, learn…in other words grow together.

Of all Jordan’s verbiage it was his usage of “whom” which wooed Brenda. She herself had a great respect for the English language and had come across a multitude of profiles filled to capacity with abuse of the language which made her shudder to think that these men had either not gone beyond a grade three level of education or were simply careless. And if careless in their profile – which was their introduction, their calling card – it made Brenda cringe to imagine how careless they would likely be once they got comfortable.

But this Jordan, if somewhat overcome by gush was not careless about grammar. Brenda read on.

He was a software developer. Finally, someone who could be of assistance to her ever-growing frustrations with the computer. He also ran a jewelry business on the side. Images of rubies and sapphires and possibly a diamond ring floated in front of her. She decided to meet him.

Her first impressions were favorable and they met a second, a third and a fourth time. Brenda was beginning to see a light at the end of this pernicious dating tunnel and began to let herself go, becoming more affectionate, attached even to Jordan.

Then he dropped the bomb which she was so unprepared for.

“I am engaged to a woman from Romania,” he told her.

He managed to announce this without even a flicker of guilt.

“What are you talking about?” Brenda asked.

“Yes,” he said in this unctuous tone. “I met her on a trip to Romania a few months ago.  I am just waiting for her to get her papers and immigrate to Canada.”

“So why are you with me?” The question seemed logical enough to Brenda and yet Jordan gave her a look filled with stupendous bewilderment.

“Being married won’t stop me from having girlfriends on the side,” he said.

Usually Brenda was much too elegant to freely use obscenities but this time she was overcome and a series of virtueless words shamelessly expelled out of her mouth. A small crowd had gathered to gawk at the spectacle she was creating. She then said so everybody could hear, “No wonder everyone seems so great to you. You’re truly at the bottom of the human barrel.”  She then turned and left him standing there and didn’t look back.

4 thoughts on “Brenda And The Perfect Match

  1. Good grief – where did you come up with that creep. Poor Brenda!
    This phrase really grabbed me, “virtueless words shamelessly expelled.” I wish I could have been there to hear her! She seems like such a mild-tempered, kind person. It would have been good to see her let it loose.
    What next for Brenda? Give her a break, won’t you?

  2. I, too, would love to hear Brenda swear just this once, esp. after all she has been through. This guy really takes the cake. I wonder how many others are out there just like him???

    • There are plenty of guys like this out there…tragically more than we can imagine. But Brenda still believes that there exists somewhere a man worthy of her and her search goes on in spite of all the nitwits she encounters.

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