When I meet a man for the first time I tend to focus on what’s wrong with him. Call it sabotaging or relationship anxiety or simply that even though I do want a man in my life I sometimes fear that he might take up too much of my time and I will have to forgo my dreams. In fact, this is so much part of my inner making that The Dating Club, the novel I am writing, circles around the theme of a woman having to choose between her career or the man she loves.
So, I tell myself -and in this I do not think my mind is in either panic nor disillusioned mode – I believe that a man in my life ought to make it better and not worse. Naturally, as self-preservation, I look immediately for the worse. Why waste time?
Instead of seeing a good heart, an exciting mind and a man pursuing his own remarkable dreams, I see the physical faults which are enough to stop me from going beyond the surface.
I don’t think that I am alone in this and men probably suffer more from this syndrome than women do.
For these reasons, I think that going to see art is a good first date and an antidote to this OMG I hope it’s not him.
Not long ago, I told a friend about how I thought artists have a difficult time making a living because art, unlike food, for example, is not a necessity.
“Art is a necessity,” he said.
Hmm. That made me reflect and wonder in which way art was as necessary as our daily bread.
The website http://painterskeys.com/ contains a huge resource of art quotations. I was most interested in seeking those regarding the purpose of art and found as example:
Art has no other purpose than to brush aside the conventional and accepted generalities, in short everything that veils reality from us, in order to bring us face to face with reality itself. (Henri Bergson).
Now that’s an interesting first date discussion bound to get you beyond the superficiality of the size of the man’s ears standing before you and dig into his own reality.
One of my favorite contemporary artists is Louise Carrier Nichols.
Her art, reminds me of what Edgar Degas had to say about art: Art is not what you see, but what you make others see.
Her art makes me see beauty. Looking at something beautiful can help us see the beauty in the person we are with.
Bob Dylan had this to say about art: The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for any one but inspire them?
Why not look for the beauty in the person? And inspire him or her to see that beauty in themselves?
I once read something by a writer who, I now unfortunately forget his name, said that their life was their art. He didn’t mean it like I couldn’t live without being able to paint or sculpt. But rather that his day-to-day life was his art. The painter Barbara Cook Spencer reiterated this in more detailed terms:
Art is what each of us is, deep inside – our own beauty. And while we remain related to our fellow-man by those infinite qualities we all share, our art is what makes us different. Art is expressed in the way we cook, arrange flowers, place furniture, raise our children, chair a meeting, close a business deal, or gather our friends. It’s having our own voice. We challenge drabness and boredom by resisting the pressure of comparison and preserving our own individual beauty.
I think relationships can also be works of art. Why not? What do you think?